Why Don't I feel Like Sex During Menopause?

Why Don't I feel Like Sex During Menopause?

Wouldn’t it be grand if our sexual appetite remained constant throughout life?

Sadly, that’s just not reality and the news gets even worse for many women going through menopause.  It’s the equivalent of ageing men not being able to get it up, for women it’s not being able to get aroused and this can put enormous strain on any relationship.

While your estrogen is taking a nosedive during menopause and the years leading up to it in perimenopause, this can have an enormous impact on sexual function, performance, and desire.


The short answer is no, and on a good note, it may be the beginning of a whole new sexual journey that could be better than you ever imagined. So, let’s get down to business.

Firstly, get your hormones checked with your trusted practitioner.  Begin with a blood test and if you need more clarity look at getting a saliva test with a holistic practitioner.  This can provide much more detail about the relationship of your hormones and indicate a specific treatment protocol to correct any hormonal imbalance.

Loss of estrogen doesn’t just affect your mood and energy levels.  It also contributes to vaginal atrophy (atrophic vaginitis) which is the thinning, drying, itching, and inflammation of the vaginal walls.  For many women this makes intercourse painful because it can lead to tearing and bleeding.

Estrogen helps keep the lining of your vagina healthy, thick, and elastic, lubricated with a thin layer of clear fluid, and this can extend to the external genital area, where women with vulvar dryness often notice irritation from something as simple as putting on their underwear, and then there can also be the loss of sensation or numbness that contributes to clitoral atrophy and the inability to orgasm.

Is it any wonder with all these symptoms going on that our sex drive tanks and just the thought of intimacy can be a turn off?  We must remember that losing your libido is simply a symptom that can be tackled in several ways, from replenishing hormone levels to embracing new and exciting ways to rekindle the va va voom in the bedroom!

Human touch and intimate relationships play a vital role in our physical, mental, and emotional wellbeing. Our skin is the largest organ in our body that sends messages to the brain.  Engaging in pleasurable touch like hugging, stroking, flicking and kissing releases the hormone called oxytocin from the brain, making us feel good while lowering negative emotions like anxiety and fear.

Apart from the physical changes that occur during menopause, it’s important to be in a relationship where you feel safe and able to express what is happening for you without judgement or fear.  These changes can make women feel extremely vulnerable and think that these changes may be permanent, when in fact they are very common and there is help available.

We need to remember that Menopause is just another phase of life, it will pass, but that doesn’t mean you have to put up with debilitating symptoms either. Women have been conditioned for far too long that menopause will ruin their lives for a good decade or more, but that is just not true.


The sooner you address the changes you are experiencing, the sooner you can have a treatment plan tailored to your specific symptoms. Hormonal imbalance can be rectified and have you living your best healthy and sexy life confident and pain free.

Traditional treatments for atrophy include adequate hydration, daily exercise, natural lubricants like coconut oil, aloe vera and vitamin E. One of the best herbs to restore hormonal balance and improve circulation to mucous membranes is Shatavari. In addition to its anti-anxiety effects, shatavari can increase blood flow, boost energy levels, and improve vaginal dryness, making it a potent herb for improving libido. It's not called the 'queen of herbs' for nothing.

Paeonia is another wonderful herb for menopause because it contains phytoestrogens. These compounds are structurally similar to estrogen, the primary female sex hormone and they act like estrogen in the body. Paeonia has also been found to increase blood flow which aids circulation and relaxation pathways.

One of the most potent ancient herbs used to improve sexual desire, pleasure and performance is Withania, also known as Ashwagandha, the ultimate natural aphrodisiac. Modern research supports that women who took a dose of Ashwagandha every day over a month saw significant improvements in achieving orgasm and sexual arousal.


The worst thing you can do is stress about the changes your body is going through as the release of stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline can drain what little energy you have left.  Knowing that there are solutions to a very common problem, experienced by millions of women around the world can empower you to take back control of your health and your sex drive.

  1. Prioritise testing and find out what is causing the imbalance
  2. Support your body with the correct supplements
  3. Enjoy the best years of your life

The old adage ‘move it or lose it’ has never been truer. Moving, stretching, and lubricating our joints will not only maintain flexibility and suppleness, but will give you the confidence and hopefully the desire to re-engage in one of the most beautiful and intimate experiences known to humankind.

Written by Mona Hecke

Mona Hecke is a degree qualified Naturopath, nutrition specialist and health and wellness writer.

With over 20 years in the health industry, beginning with a focus on children and families, and a bestselling book ‘The Lunchbox Revolution’, Mona is now empowering women through education and conversation to take action and embrace change. Gut health, mindfulness, nutrition, hormones, and menopause are the topics that women want and need to know to create their healthy future.

Mona holds certifications in Lifestyle Coaching, Kinesiology, holistic herbal medicine, and nutrition.

A recognised leader in the health industry, Mona’s strong social media presence and passion for influencing change will continue to be a catalyst for health reform for the benefit of every Australian.

Learn more about Mona Hecke.

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